The First Attack
It all started in traffic. I was driving my colleagues to a meeting when it hit me – my first big panic attack. My heart was racing, I was sweating, and I desperately needed a bathroom. Right there on the highway, I had to abandon my car and run to find a public restroom. I was so scared and embarrassed. That day changed everything.
Living with Fear
After that, my life became different. I started mapping out every bathroom location. Every car ride over 30 minutes became terrifying. I went through so many medical tests – they found some small inflammation but nothing serious. Still, I carried medicines everywhere. Anti-diarrhea pills, digestive aids, antacids – I took them before every meal, hoping they would help. But they didn’t fix the real problem: the fear itself.
The Hard Truth
The worst part about panic disorder is that people can’t see it. How do you tell your boss you need to know where every bathroom is between the office and a client meeting? Or explain why you suddenly can’t use the elevator anymore? I used to lead team meetings confidently, but now I was always checking where the exits were.
My world got smaller and smaller. I stopped meeting friends for coffee. Couldn’t think about business trips. Even dating seemed impossible – how could I explain that I might need to run away suddenly?
Getting Better
One day, something clicked: I wasn’t actually dying. My body wasn’t my enemy – it was just trying to protect me from something that wasn’t really there. I started writing down when my panic attacks happened. I noticed they were worst when I felt trapped – in traffic, elevators, meetings. This helped me understand my panic better.
Today, I still get panic attacks sometimes. But they don’t control my life anymore. I’ve learned that getting better isn’t about never having anxiety – it’s about learning to live with it. Sometimes I take the stairs instead of the elevator. Sometimes I drive a longer way with more rest stops. And that’s okay.
If you’re dealing with panic disorder: You’re not weak. You’re not crazy. This is a real thing that many people go through. Getting better might look different than you expect, but it is possible. Your way to healing might not be the same as mine, but you will find your way.
Remember: Even if you can’t see it now, this hard time is teaching you something important about being strong.
